September 04, 2003

The Left Bank Diet

Instead of sharing my dinner menu before I cut out for the evening (it's too early for dinner here in don't really start until about 9pm), I thought I would share a revolutionary new diet plan I developed at lunch with Bill Bonner and Addison Wiggin and a few select members of the Daily Reckoning Staff. We call it the Left Bank Diet. Breakfast: One pain chocolate (chocolate croissant), one cigarette (any kind will do), and one grand creme (coffee with cream). The cigarette is an appetite suppressant. The caffeine gets you going. And the sugar in the chocolate will keep you going up until lunch. Lunch: Plat du jour. Note, all plats du jour contain fries (although they're called frites here...not freedom fries). Bread (Atkins dieters disregard.) Small pitcher of red wine. Any wine will do. You'll feel more sophisticated. And the buzz it gives you will make up for the fact that you just had french fries and raw meat but are still hungry. Dinner: More wine. Eat late. Drink a lot first. The drinking will provoke spirited conversation, about the nature of existence, Descartes, and the motives of the American hyper-power. You'll be so engrossed in your argument that you forget to eat. The main benefit, however, is that the more you drink, the louder you'll become, eventually making a spectacle of yourself. Word will get out among your co-workers. You'll be persona non grata at dinner from now on. You'll be resigned to nights at home alone, eating a bucket of chicken, drinking fine wine late into the Paris night...blogging to your friends and co-workers. You will wake up late most mornings, missing breakfast and settling for Diet Coke (no calories). Or you will wake up with a dull thud between your temples, also an appetite suppressant. Watch the pounds melt away. I live on the right bank, however. And I have not lost weight in Paris, but even gained a few pounds. To avoid that: stay away from Australian beer (the drink of choice on the right bank). And let me know how the diet goes...this thing could be huge...


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